


The Coffee Timeline

by bebs77



Series: Alternatestuck [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Earth C (Homestuck), Expect Lots of Ships, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Plot? What Plot?, The Homestuck Epilogues, smut will be a thing in later chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:00:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27771154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bebs77/pseuds/bebs77
Summary: This is a forgotten story of mine that I haven't worked on since May.It had quite a lot already written for it, but I cut everything apart from the first chapter.This is my attempt to revive it I guess, since the initial premise of the plot is my own version of the epilogues.Anyway, if my motivation for this particular fan fic continues It'll eventually be completely finished with hopefully a decent amount of work put into it.(I'll also put potential trigger warnings at the start of every chapter.)
Relationships: Calliope/Roxy Lalonde, Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added
Series: Alternatestuck [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2031598
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	1. A Happy Ending?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (no triggers)

##  **> The Coffee Timeline **

###  **> by bebs77**

_Meat or Candy? John had an understandable difficulty choosing between the two delectable snacks. As he began to weigh out the pros and cons of both, he realised that Roxy and Calliope were still in front of him and clearly waiting until he had made his decision. They both gave him a confused look as he stood up from the grass surrounding the picnic._

**JOHN: i’m actually not that hungry.**

**JOHN: but i do know a good place to get coffee.**

_Instead of indulging himself in a picnic, John went to a nearby coffee shop. Eventually he sat down at a wooden table with Roxy and Calliope, brown liquid sloshing around in a generic white mug. Now to actually discuss what they were meeting for in the first place._

**CALLIOPE: john, have yoU made a decision?**

**JOHN: yeah i think i just want to enjoy my life.**

**JOHN: but lord english is a big problem.**

_The deliciousness of the coffee had made John not able to decide on the choice that would definitely affect his entire life and the lives of others._

**ROXY: so u cant decide?**

**ROXY: we cant pressure u lol**

**ROXY: think about it dude**

**JOHN: i guess i’m staying for now.**

**ROXY: thats AWESOME! :D**

_John wasn’t expecting the reaction his words got out of Roxy. It was more like an excited squeal that drew mostly everyone’s attention to them from within the coffee shop. Coffee was definitely the right choice as he gulped down the remainder of the warm brown bean juice. As they left the coffee shop, Calliope had a wider smile on her face than usual, more noticeably it seemed Roxy and the cherub were holding hands. John was happy that they found peace together, even if his idea of the future wasn’t exactly coming to fruition as he would’ve hoped._

**_CALLIOPE: let me know when yoU have made a choice, john_ **

**CALLIOPE: whatever choice yoU make, i'm sUre the oUtcome will be favorable**

**JOHN: thanks calliope and you too roxy.**

**ROXY: no prob**

**JOHN: i need some alone time to think about this.**

_John walked away from his former crush and what was most likely her alien girlfriend. Catching up with those two was great and all, but it left pretty much everything still unresolved. John was still on the bench about what he should do; stay or leave? A pressing predicament that he would rather not think about right now. All his problems were drilling into his skull at once, eventually it would reach his brain and stay there like a parasite._

_His home sweet home was almost in full view as he decided to walk back as opposed to just flying._ _When he finally made it to the front door of his mostly generic abode, it was clearly apparent that someone or something had broken in. Evident by the front door that was actually completely missing, so the heir actually made it to the doorway not the door itself._

**JOHN: what the fuck.**

_John didn't freak out much, opting to just go inside and see what was broken or stolen, or both. Though everything was exactly how he left it, apart from the fact that his phone was now absent. Eh, he could just buy another one. But why would the culprit go through so much trouble just to steal a phone that was at least five generations behind and a slow piece of shit. Unless there was a deeper meaning behind it. Because of fucking course there is._

_The lack of a front door was a bit of a hindrance but really John couldn't give a fuck, he wanted to contemplate and sleep._

_So he did just that._

[==>](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27771154/chapters/67991098)


	2. A Political Crisis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (no triggers unless karkat triggers you)

##  **> The Coffee Timeline **

###  **> by bebs77**

_Elsewhere in the Troll Kingdom; shit is really hitting the metaphorical fan and a certain loud mouthed troll woke up on the wrong side of Dave's bed, well technically HIS and Dave's bed. But anyway, as usual Dave was being nonchalant about a semi serious situation that Karkat was flipping his shit over, the usual morning routine._

** KARKAT: HOLY FUCK, JANE IS BEING A STUPID BULGE FONDLER AGAIN. **  
** KARKAT: EVERY SECOND I WONDER WHAT DOUCHESPONGE THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO PUT HER IN CHARGE OF ANYTHING. **  
** KARKAT: LET ALONE TAKE A BRIBE FROM HER AND ALLOW HER TO CONTROL BASICALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING. **  
** DAVE: dude i was thinking **  
** DAVE: you could be a really kick ass alarm clock **  
** DAVE: nobody would ever sleep again **  
** KARKAT: FUCK OFF. **  
** DAVE: but seriously you would get rich off that **  
** KARKAT: ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO A WORD I'M SAYING STRIDER? **  
** DAVE: i tuned out after you said jane touches bulges or something **  
** DAVE: i guess thats a step up from baking **  
** KARKAT: IT WAS AN INSULT. **  
** DAVE: right **  
** DAVE: and how are we going to stop jane from laying her fingers on an excessive amount of gummy snakes **  
** KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK IS A GUMMY SNAKE **  
** DAVE: when you said bulge i assumed you were talking about the troll kind **  
** KARKAT: NO NO NO. **  
** KARKAT: WE ARE NOT DOING THIS AGAIN. **  
** KARKAT: MY BULGE IS NOT A GUMMY REPTILIAN. **  
** DAVE: snake **

_Karkat couldn't resist the urge to facepalm after that disgustingly uncomfortable conversation. Dave turned his head back around to face the TV. Then with a press of a button on the TV remote, the screen lit up and the various different channels were flicked through rapidly._

** KARKAT: HEY I'M NOT FUCKING FINISHED. **  
** DAVE: oh right **  
** DAVE: so what has jane done now besides touching bulges **  
** KARKAT: WELL THE SHORT VERSION IS THAT JANE BRIBED THE ENTIRE FUCKING GOVERNMENT AND NOW HAS CONTROL OF EVERYTHING. **  
** DAVE: and why is that our problem **  
** KARKAT: BECAUSE HER THINK PAN HAS GONE NUTS AND SHE BASICALLY DELCARED WAR ON EVERY TROLL. **  
** DAVE: oh **  
** DAVE: where the fuck is jake when you need him **  
** KARKAT: MOST LIKELY LICKING JANE'S TYRANT ASS. **  
** DAVE: that is something i never want to hear or think about ever again **  
** DAVE: my brain is going to rehab because of that shit **  
** DAVE: anyway **  
** DAVE: you have a flawless and amazing plan right **  
** KARKAT: ACTUALLY, NO. **  
** DAVE: dude you just murdered the dramatic build up in cold blood **  
** DAVE: with zero remorse what the fuck **  
** DAVE: you gave that motherfucker 28 stab wounds **  
** KARKAT: SHUT UP. **  
** KARKAT: I WILL ADMIT THE PLAN IS STILL A WORK IN PROGRESS. **  
** KARKAT: BUT IT IS STILL BETTER THAN ANYTHING YOU COULD COME UP WITH ASSHOLE. **

_All that followed was silence, causing Karkat's face to scrunch up slightly due to the fact that he thought he may have pissed off his Matesprit for good._

** KARKAT: UH. **  
** KARKAT: DID I GO TOO FAR? **

** DAVE: nah **  
** DAVE: youre fine dude **  
** DAVE: we dont even need a plan **  
** DAVE: we are way too fucking cool for that shit **  
** DAVE: way up on the cool scale **

** DAVE: but we should at least try to be civil with jane **  
** DAVE: to start off with that is **  
** KARKAT: ARE YOU IMPLYING WE ARE GOING TO FIND JANE AND TRY AND REASON WITH HER? **  
** DAVE: basically **  
** DAVE: shes still a friend **  
** DAVE: kind of **

_Dave switched off the TV finally and got his lazy ass off the bright red couch that was brighter than the sun. He was ready for...politics? Or at least a mutual agreement._

** DAVE: lets go pay her a visit **

[==>](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27771154/chapters/68186030)


	3. John: Wake Up

##  **> The Coffee Timeline **

###  **> by bebs77**

_At long last, the retired hero wakes up from his stress coma also known as sleep. Still he remained indecisive._

_Cut the bullshit already._

_Excuse me?_

_That's right, say hello to your new narrator motherfuckers._

_God, that guy was a pain in the ass._

_Back to our regularly scheduled program._

_John was being an indecisive prick as always, come on John time is ticking-_

_Oh goddamn it._

_Right, where was I?_

_John arose from his bed, his thoughts still scattered and wild from the day prior. Then his thoughts settled on the phone thief from yesterday..and door thief. Who the hell would steal a door anyway? As John adjusted his glasses and got to his feet, he heard footsteps coming from downstairs. Great, more unwanted visitors. Or wanted? It really depended on who it was._

** JOHN: who's there? **

_ No answer, to be expected of an intruder. But now that Intruder was aware of John's presence. John was both calm and on edge. He slowly stepped down his stairs, peeking down to see who was there. Only an ominous figure in the darkness, nothing big. _

** JOHN: hiding in the darkness doesn't make it dramatic you know. **

** JOHN: it's actually kinda lame. **

_ Then that figure moved from the darkness of the room, it became instantly apparent who it was. _

** VRISKA: Hello, John. **

** JOHN: vriska? i thought you were dead. **

** VRISKA: You thought wrong, dum8ass. **

** JOHN: i have a weird question to ask **  
** JOHN: did you steal my door? **

** VRISKA: Why the hell would I do that? **

** JOHN: because someone stole it. **  
** JOHN: and now you've broken into my house. **

** JOHN: oh and my phone too for some reason. **

** VRISKA: Firstly, I didn't 8reak into anything. I just walked in. **  
** VRISKA: Secondly, shut the fuck up I need to tell you something reeeeeeeeeally important. **

_ On closer inspection it seemed Vriska was clothed in her god tier Thief of Light attire, fairy wings and all. _

_ How in seven shades of donkey shit is that relevant?  _

_ Let me do my damn job._

** VRISKA: Long story short, your ina8ility to make a simple fucking choice has completely messed up canon and the entire timeline. **  
** VRISKA: And your're coming with me to fix the shit you broke. **

** JOHN: wait wait, how did you even get here? **

** VRISKA: Doesn't matter, now come with me. **

_ Somehow the heir and the spidertroll were zapped away. _

_ Are you fucking serious? _

_ This story is the largest piece of dog shit I've ever laid my eyes on. _

_ It makes literally zero sense.  _

_ But don't worry I'm going to make a few..adjustments. _


End file.
